I Love Someone But They're Already Taken
77When I first met my husband Alex, I was actually dating his best friend - who introduced us. The friend had a summer job out of state, and sort of, kind of, detailed Alex to "keep an eye on me." Can't blame him - I was in a new town, recently separated from Husband Number Two (the batterer), and I was pretty fragile. Alex took his mission to heart, and we spent a lot of free time together - we went to plays, we ate a lot of pizza, I spent way too many hours crying on his shoulder about this and that...
And somewhere in the middle of this, Alex realized he'd fallen in love. With me. I, of course, had no clue. That's right - he didn't tell me and he didn't act in a way that would make me guess.
When you're in that situation, when you're in love with someone and they're already seeing someone else, this is the only honorable thing you can do. It's also the only thing you can do if you want to maintain any realistic hope of being in a relationship with the person someday.
Why?
Because anything else you do, even with the best of intent will backfire. You can't conspire to break them up - what happens when the one you love finds out what you did? And he or she will find out, believe me. The world is just not that big. You can't drop subtle (or not-so-subtle) hints about how much better you'd be with the one you love than the person he or she is currently dating - it makes you look egotistical, and probably not like someone the person you want is likely to ever fall for. In other words, don't trash him or her, even if you know he or she is cheating on the one you love. Your beloved is smart - eventually he or she will figure out just what kind of person they're dating and do the right thing. If you're the messenger, you're not likely to win any brownie points, and he or she may hate you for being the one to bring a painful truth to his or her attention.
Alex was smart. When I moved back to the East Coast at the end of that summer (after conveniently breaking up with the friend, who was an immature ass (and still is)), he stayed in touch. He'd call me once or twice a month, send me occasional letters and small gifts (usually music), and when e-mail became popular, he'd email me every couple of weeks. He made sure he was still my friend and part of my life, even peripherally. And, because I thought of him as a friend, as a good friend, I'd call and e-mail him, too. Even though I dated a lot of people in the ten years between dating his friend and finally realizing I was in love with him, Alex never let the friendship die.
This is what you must do, too. Do whatever it takes to be friends with the person you're in love with. No matter how hard it hurts. No matter how hard it is not to let your feelings show - to anyone, not just the one you love. And the worst part, according to my husband, will be this: you can't tell anyone either. Because word will get back to the one you love, and all your hard work, friendship, and not letting it show will have been for nothing. Oh, people will figure it out for themselves. They may even ask you if it's true. You must, you must, if you want any chance at all of being with the one you love someday, confirm or deny nothing.
Alex's story has a happy ending. Eventually I let myself realize what I'd felt about him for some time, and admitted to him that I was in love with him. We became engaged within six months, and married less than a year later. We've been happy together for six and a half years, now, and have a 2-year-old daughter.
With a little patience, honorable behavior, and a determination not to give up on the object of your affection, your story can have a happy ending, too.
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Holy, that's good advice. Right now, I am in love with a very good friend of mine. He has a gf and she is pressuring him to get engaged/married. For a while I've 'thought' that he and his gf haven't been on the same page but I've kept my trap shut!
Recently we had a heart to heart and he explained a few things about his gf that worry him and he doesn't really see the 'worth' in getting married...although she wants a big party/wedding. I believe wedding and marriage or two different things...anyhow, this is the first bit of advice I've seen that makes sense.
Somewhere deep inside me I feel that one day, my friend and I may be together, but until that possible time I try to be supportive of everything he does...from work, to personal endeavours to his relationship.
It is hard, I must confess, to do this but I think that losing his friendship would be a horrible thing. How do I keep from telling friends? At first, when I realised my feelings for him I told a few friends (that don't know him) b/c it hit me 'wham!' that I love him. After a while I backed off from that but have no one to express my feelings to. How do I handle/manage that? I see him almost everyday, he's constantly on the brain!
If you don't already have one, get a blog and start venting there.
You're right, there is a HUGE difference between a wedding and a marriage. Even if they do marry, it sounds like it won't last long.
Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing!
Good idea Rhomylly! I hadn't thought really of blogging away my thoughts about this. Thanks once again; most advice I've seen on this topic is angry and/or from angry people. Yours is sensible and honest.
I came across this site whilst looking for advice and it looks as though I couldn't have found a better site. Rhomylly, you are so wise!!! I too am in love with someone whom is already taken. And is actually due to get married this year. We met at uni in California 5 years ago. Our 'thing' was kinda over before it ever really began. The problem was he had a girlfriend of 1 year who worked away. This guy made me feel like I've never felt before. When I was with him i felt amazing, stupidly happy, and I couldn't stop smiling the whole time I was with him. We kissed but nothing more apart from the usual cuddling up on the sofa, hugs and stuff. Months later he said he'd thought long and hard about things and wanted to leave his girlfriend to be with me as he'd realised his feelings weren't as strong for her as they were for me. Because I didn't want to go any further with a guy who obviously had ties, and I really didn't want any trouble, I said I wasn't interested. Which was so far from the truth it's untrue! I was very interested.
I didn't see him for ages but he was always on my mind. I started dating other boys and tried to forget about him but It didn't work. We've stayed in contact over the years and have met up on many occasions. We're now both 28 having the same old conversations as we did at uni, cuddling in the corner of restaurants,meeting up in secret etc. And he still makes me feel exactly the same. I know he's a cheater/player and i should stay well away but i can't. For some reason, i'm completely taken in by him. I've never, ever experienced anything like it before. I have a boyfriend and feel dreadful on him that i meet up with the other man but i feel compelled to see him. I worry that i don't feel the same way about my boyfriend as i do with him and I'm worried that i never will.
I consider myself to be a good person in all other areas of my life and I would never wish to harm a soul, but when it comes to this guy it all goes out of the window. Many thoughts have crossed my mind about telling his girlfriend about him, but i'd never really do it. All these years later i can't help but feel that i missed my chance of being head over heels happy, just because I wanted to play it cool. Boy am I paying for that mistake.
I know what I should do, but it's easier said than done. I hate myself for being this way. It's not fair on my boyfriend, or his girlfriend. My boyfriend is an amazing person, I just don't feel the same about him. I just always wonder 'What if I had said yes to being with him'? Yes, he's marrying his girlfriend of 6 years, but why does he keep arranging to meet up with me? When we're out, why does he always try to kiss me? Am i being totally naive? Should I just once and for all get him out of my life, cos' this guy is really on my mind all of the time!
What an interesting and great hub!
I am in a similar situation...I'm deeply, madly and truly in love with someone, who has a gf for quite a while now.... 5 years to be exact (really obnoxious person, i have to add), and he has no idea how i feel. we met almost a year ago and we just clicked. in the last couple of weeks, he's been acting really strange, mostly 'cause he is really stressed out at work, and i think in part because he started to realize what he feels for me (something happened)... i just told him that no matter what happens i will be there for him, and i will... the thing is we hardly ever speak now, but i can't keep my mind away from him and his smile. he is in my thoughts every day and not being able to be with him is killing me, but reading this story makes me feel as if i have some kind of hope... even though maybe hope means really commiting to this love i have for him and not let myself get carried away by other distractions.
Great hub! When I met my SO I was fresh out of high school and he four years my senior and engaged. He'd had a lot of rough spots with his fiance and they just really didn't get along anymore (she'd even brought up that she didn't think she wanted to marry him anymore) so his friends conspired to give us time to get to know each other in the form of refusing to help him with papers (he had an overnight newspaper route in addition to his main job) and since I didn't go to work until 1:30 each afternoon I volunteered. Throughout our time together I listened to what he had to say and tried to give him advice on his failing relationship.
Luckily I didn't have to wait ten years, a mere six months later he came to visit me and tell me that he'd jut broke it off with her and wanted to be with me. I know he didn't know how I felt because only my dogs were privy to that information (I doubt they told) but he did have a host of friends telling him I'd be a great choice. That was four years ago, our son is two years old now and we're getting married on summer solstice this year :)
I've learnt the hard way by doing the opposite i confessed to the guy i know i want to be with for the rest of my life, he had a girlfriend at the time but said he felt the same way... a year later he's still with her.... it still kills me thinking how things could have turned out so much better if i had just kept quiet and kept my dignity and pride, i guess its hard when you're so in love, i'm a spontaneous person i would climb a mountain and walk through fire for that man i was 19 at the time and it was awesome and i just couldnt hide the fact i was really happy when i was with him. But i ruined our friendship the guy cant even talk to me anymore and i'm still achingly in love with him, its really drained my confidence knowing he choose her in the end and it makes trusting someone else really difficult as i heard so many empty promises. Its awful hard moving on when you don't want to and no guy seems able to compare cause they're just not him. so yes i wish every second of the day i had kept quiet. But i'm a strong believer in karma and fate if somethings for you it will not pass you by, and if it didn't work it will be for a good reason. but in the mean time theres always ben and jerrys and great friends!
Hard to believe it's been 5 months since I first posted...things haven't changed all that much in my sitch. He and his gf are still together but as our friendship has grown he's shared more of the problems he's having at home.
I really think he has some feelings for me but for now is committed to his gf. He said last week to me, 'isn't it funny how lovey-dovey we are?'. I was taken aback and had no response...ha! He probably thinks that was strange; me without a response. In retrospect, I wish I did have one...
I'll never say anything to him unless he asked me directly if I have feelings for him. To him, I could not lie and he knows that.
im inlove too with my friend..and he confessed to me that he also feels the same way..but he has a girlfriend for 6 years or more..we kissed several times..even make out one time..and realized that we love each other..but we chose to stay as friends coz he is in a relationship..and my heart is now breaking into pieces slowly everyday...knowing that we love each other but we cant be together...i dont wanna hurt someone thats why i agreed to be friends with him..until now we consider ourselves as the best of friends..but reality bites...i love him so much...what will i do??/
I am interested by a lot of things, adventurous, sociable, active, just thing that life is fun and want to share that with someone, so I involved me into the casualloving.com--casual encounters club, i make a lot of friends and i fall in love with one... i wish we are happy as u.............
Thanks for your advice - it certainly shows that if things are meant to be, they'll work themselves out in due course.
There's a girl that I like but right now she's taken - we've sort of grown apart recently because I always feel uneasy talking to her about her boyfriend. I'm not sure if anything will happen, but she is one incredible girl. I guess that if something is meant to happen, then it will in time. Waiting is a pain though!
i came across this site while looking for advice, and although i'd already chosen to keep my feelings quiet, it's great to hear that there is some hope.
i'm in love with a friend who i was briefly involved with three years ago. it ended because i began a relationship, which i have since found out that he was really upset/jealous about. he distanced himself from me for a long time, but we began talking again a year ago, and became close again, although it was mainly phone-calls because i was still in the relationship. he kept making hints and saying that he still had feelings for me, and it certainly felt like it. there's an amazing chemistry between us, like we both can look each other and don't need to say what we're thinking.... it feels like we're meant to be together. (and i'm not an sentimental/idealistic person in ANY way)
i began to fall in love, but by the time i ended my relationship, he had started a relationship with somebody else.
they are still going strong, and seem to be really happy. we barely talk anymore, mainly because he's hardly around anymore, and i have distanced myself from him anyway - just like he did to me. whenever we do talk, it's really awkward, and he has been overly curious to find out my current relationship status. i'm sure he does still feel for me, and regrets/wonders about how we could have been.. but he is certainly in love with this girl. and worryingly, he is the type of person who is keen to jump into settling down(eg. marriage) very easily/prematurely. it concerns me that, knowing my typical bad luck, they could be together for the rest of their lives. i certainly don't see it ending anytime soon, but i know from experience that relationships aren't always as amazing as they look from the outside. i was in a relationship with someone i thought i'd be with for the rest of my life, but it still ended.. many friends have had babies with their partners and still split up. she also doesn't seem to be a very good match for him, she is quite immature and they don't share the same interests, really.
so it's just a case of waiting, and hoping that i'll be lucky. (for once) i really just hope i'm not waiting in vain. i'm limiting my contact with him to make it easier for me.... it's unlikely we'll lose touch, thanks to the likes of email, facebook etc.. and we also have mutual friends - so things can easily be picked up again if he's single again.
i just hope that staying away is the best thing, he's always had this sort of 'addiction' to me, and i wonder if i did stick around more, be in front of him, that he would realise his feelings for me again, and maybe this would reduce his feelings/intentions towards his girlfriend? this is what happened to my relationship when he appeared in my life again.
sorry for the lengthy comment - but thanks for the advice, and i hope everything works out for everybody.
This was a really cute story. Smart, too. Trying to break a couple up NEVER works. In fact, it IS a pretty not nice thing to do, and I'm glad Alex isn't that sort of person :)
I seem to be caught in one of these sort of situations. I'm in love with a woman who has been taken for almost 3 years now. Throughout the years, every time he has done something to hurt her, I was always the one calming her down, always the one to wipe away her tears, and every time, I wished that she could see what he was doing to her. She has since moved closer to me to go to school, and we see each other a lot more often, but every time I'm with her, I'm happy, but at the same time, my heart breaks more and more, knowing that she wasn't with me. She has told me time and time again that she is in love with me, but that she was committed to her boyfriend. I'm confused as to what I should do. Should I break down and tell her everything? Or should I wait and pick up the pieces every time he does something to hurt her, only to send her right back into his arms?
I too is in a situation where I am in love with a man who has a girlfriend and he talka to me about alot of things and we spend a lot of time together what am I to do I don't wnat to tell him how I feel about him because I don't want to damage our relationship as friends I asked him one time before how serious is there relationship and he responded to me to say " We get along now" I left ialone because I don't want him to get a clue of how I feel about him. I have read some of the posting and they are very helpful and sensible
Well it's been almost a year since I last wrote... and now I really don't know what to do. My friend and his gf are now broken up. Where do I go from here? What do I say? I know he needs space but do I let him know how much I really care or should I let things take their course? I love him and don't want to lose him.
I really wish my friend had seen this story b4 he confessed he loves me while i was still dating my bf. i was totally shocked as i had never even thought he would like me. The worst thing is both of them are also friends and they go to the same school. I was really confused and in the end i rejected him and also broke up with my bf cause i wanted to forget the whole mess and hope everything will go back to normal.
When my bf found out, he was jealous and went to confront his friend, now things are really strain between all of us and i really hate that. And my friend still drop hints that he still likes me, while my bf is avoiding me. Haix.
what do you do i need help!
Well there are two options when you are confronted with this problem. Commit or Walk away. You have to ask yourself, are they worth every single bit of pain that I endure? Are they worth all the waiting and effort? If you Love someone like Alex did you have to endure, and put the potential relationship above all else, make it top priority. There is never a sure way to know if it will work out, but if you really love the person you all know it is going to be worth it for the mere possibility of you being together.
I used to be a very lonely person, and I still kind of am. My parents never did much and left me to raise myself, alot of the time I am my own parent. I scold myself, I tell myself what I need to do, I nag myself, I punish myself - I didn't need anyone else but myself to survive. I was ostracized for wierd behavior and always played by myself. I saw kids being happy, I saw them in much less pain than I, I was so envious. I became so full of malice at one point I thought I actually was going to kill somebody. Then this one girl, different from anything I had seen, saw the crying child acting tough, and she acknowledged me. She was the light that lead me away from the precipice of madness, and she helped to open up my eyes to everything wonderful in this universe. She is my everything, without her I don't think there would be a me in the sense of a nice, happy,funny and intelligent guy. She turned my world upside-down. That is where the problem starts...
I know she is worth every bit of hurt, every bit of sacrifice I can make I will. The matter is her accepting it. She has had a rough past as well, much more rough than I, which I am not at liberty to talk fully about. I am one of her best and only true friends, yet she doesn't trust anyone and runs away because she feels she is going to get hurt. She is dating a guy right now that meets her morals for what she is doing and is hiding behind him, so she doesn't have to solve her problems. The guy is respectable but isn't ready for the committment needed for her, thus why she hasn't shared her load with him yet. All I can do is tell her I am there for her and wait patiently. Maybe someday she will see someone loves her and accept it. I would happily wait for as long as it took for her to realize.
I'm in a situation right now that i never thought i would be in. I knew this girl since she was very young, like 11yr old young. I'm 23 now and she is 19, our families are pretty close so i know it would be kind of weird for everyone if they knew how i felt about her. I'm seriously in love with this girl, i thought i knew what love was before but i realized i haven't. I hurt at the thought of her not knowing how i feel, i hurt seeing her with the guy who doesn't treat her like i know she deserves. Its almost depressing, this is so knew to me. I really don't know how to deal with this.
She is with her boyfriend of 4 years and she actually just had a 2nd child with him which sucks. She left him 2 or 3 times already because he treats her like shit but she keeps going back with him. Supposedly now he is treating her much better, which makes me think i will probably never have a chance to be with her. I don't even know how she would react if she knew how i felt. It could be weird for her because she probably looks at me like a brother type. Its so strange because when we were younger, we couldn't stand each other and now we get along so well and i think she is the most beautiful person inside and out.
I usually see her a couple times a week because her parents live next door. This makes it hard for me not to have feelings. I have literally tried to find stuff about her that would make me not like her in this way anymore. Like she lost her virginity at a young age, and i'm pretty conservative (not a virgin). I like to feel like she is perfect, like she hasn't done anything haha even though she does have kids. But i tried to use that as a reason not to like her, which it didn't work. Because the next time i saw her those thoughts were out the window.
I just hope one day i can let her know how i feel, i just don't wanna go on without her never knowing. Because as you get older, you grow apart from people. And who knows if we will see or talk to each other as much. Its just so hard right now, i come to appreciate the saying that love hurts. Because it really does...
Wow, what a great story. Truly inspiring to me as I sit here with tears in my eyes.I can only hope and dream that my situation turns out happy as well.
Right now, I am in love with some who is seeing someone else. One of the hardest parts is that he knows that I am crazy about him. The other thing is that I don't know if he shares the same feelings or if it is unrequited. I don't want to ask because I don't want to ruin the friendship I do have with him.
Wow, what a great story. Truly inspiring to me as I sit here with tears in my eyes.I can only hope and dream that my situation turns out happy as well.
Right now, I am in love with some who is seeing someone else. One of the hardest parts is that he knows that I am crazy about him. The other thing is that I don't know if he shares the same feelings or if it is unrequited. I don't want to ask because I don't want to ruin the friendship I do have with him.
Well Im Young And single but the Guy i love is'nt single
what shall i do break them up?
Hope Them The Best?
Wait?
Please Help
I am in a similar situation right now. We email every couple of weeks and I am genuinely in love with her, and I think her with me, but she has a boyfriend and we are thousands of miles apart now and she refuses to contemplate her feelings. I am getting ready to delete her from my life. The story above is unrealistic, to wait for 10 years! for somebody hoping they will change their mind. Alex is a demi-god.
thanks for all of the stories. i've had feelings for the same guy for years. the timing has never been right and we've both admitted that to one another. (either he is taken or i'm taken.) We admitted our feelings for each other once, but the timing wasn't right then either.
Currently, he's taken. I want to commit myself to waiting for him, but 10 years?! What if it never happens? I feel like I'm trying to let myself love other people and it's just not working out because no one really compares. He's always the one I turn to for advice, and the other way around. I would never want to destroy his happiness that he has with his current girl. Seriously, if you love someone, you really want their happiness before your own right? At the same time, at what point do I have to swallow my pride and let it go?
i'm glad i found this..
thank you thank you thank you..
i've been confused to either speak out or just let things happen..
this helps a lot..
:)
so...you guys are saying that you SHOULD stick to the one you love?
uh...can i share my part of my story? because..im deeply confused...
ok..so im 18 right now, and i love this girl whos currently taken by a guy of course.
and theyve been dating for almost...4 years now.
of course..she nows how i feel about her and tells me to move on. of course..ive moved on. and told myself to be her friend..and that in time, i would just forget my feelings for her and that it would dissapear. im wondering..was that the right choice? and..im a man of my word. and i dont want to regret. but theres also a small part of me saying..."You shouldnt really give up on her yet." but, i asked my friends about her, and that she just consider me and a friend and that she never did liked me more than a friend.
of course..shes a good girl and all.
and i just got a feeling...that shes the one for me. i mean..my friend said this to me. "its not destined, its just matter of experience and guts." but i just feel like we are meant to be..
i mean, when i 1st saw her, it wasnt LOVE at 1st sight. i didnt care much about her really. not until we talked and we just laughed at the same things and at the same time.
and we have the festival once in a year and theres alot of people. and..ever since i met her, ive seen her there 3 times in a row ever since my sophomore year. now im a freshman college student.
now, im just talking to her about everyday through mail and nothing really new. i dont really want to lose this girl..but i know that...if you really love someone..you have to let them go, right?
Ive had feelings for this one girl for about a year and a half. She has a jerk boyfriend, which asked her out the day after i told her how i felt(also i wrote a poem for her)Ive had to wait through three other boyfriends who have broken her heart. Ive tried to move on, but when i think about it i get a sick feeling in my stomach. I just dont know what to do.
Hi hi,
I'm also in a simillar situation.
I have a friend and I've been friends with him for a coupla years. When we where getting real close, I quit the internet (our main means of communication) to study for my final year of high school, so we wrote letters. One of the letters he wrote me a story, with me in it as his wife "each week my wife sent me a letter." Not soon after the story came into being he found himself a girlfriend and they've been together ever since. Anyhow now I've returned and we're rattling on just like the good ol' days. A little harmless flirting, a little affection and whole lotta friendship.
It's playing on my mind that if they break up it would be my perfect opportunity to finally start something. But until then it's a little painstaking watching them together.
Any tips?
xoxo lou
Hey um...
Problem is he already knows I dislike her. Cause she treats him awful at times. I bite my tounge when I wanna say she doesnt know what a great guy she haves in front of her. And recently he's been talking to me more and confiding in me more. To be honest hes one of the few friends that keeps in touch with me the most. I dont know what to do... one of my good guy friends knows now and Im afriad he'll tell him becuase Im not "Giving up all hope" and Im still talking to him. If someone could help me.... please let me know
OMG!!! I knew I was not the only person who was going through this. I used to talk to a guy back in high school, but we stopped talking and a few month after we stopped talking he started to go out with this other girl. The truth is I never stopped liking the guy, but I guess I didn't tell him because I was too shy. Well, before I graduated he signed my yearbook, saying how what happened between us two was never going to be forgotten, that gave me hope that he probably still had feelings for me. well about a week ago I found out he had a facebook, so I sent him a message wishing him a happy new year and what not. What do you think I should do? should I just try to forget about him or should I be persistent?? I really like him and it's really a feeling of wow what would had happened if we have not stopped talking, would we still be together? I just really want to know if he still has feelings for me or if he thinks about me, because I have this feeling that he still likes me.
i am in love with my bestfriend and have been for three years now I just never realised it before. Three years ago he was in love with me and our positions were role reversed and now after coming out of a 20 month relationship some time ago I realised that there is always one person that I come back to when things are rough, when things are happy, when i just need somone to talk to. It is always him. But now he has a girlfriend and I don't want to be pushy and I don't want to break them up or cause havoc and really i don't even want to tell him but its soo hard becasue he keeps sending mixed messages. He tells me he is secretly in love with me and is always trying to convince me that i am in love with him which i vehemently deny Its gotten to the point where I just want him to either choose me or choose her not be with her and be sending me these mixed messages on the side. thankyou for this its good to know that i'm not the only one and its good to know that things can work out in the end. I just hope it doesn't take 10 years.
About six months ago my good guy friend admitted he loved me. That s same night my bf found out and was extremely pissed off. Completely confused i refused to take him seriously. Long story short my bf is incarcerated and will be out soon. Presently the other guy has become my best friend. We know we love eachother. However ive asked him to move on. He has waited two painful years and has had his life threatened. You must do whats best for the one you love. And take chances (when the time is right). I love two men but i love my bff enough to
want him to be happy.
Trust me guys, this is one of the hardest thing that i had to deal with in my life. I have been in love with my friend who is in relationship for nearly 3 years now, i just cant stop thinking about her but the good thing is that she knows that i like her and we still continue to be friends,
i think i will always be there for her no matter what.
So I'm not alone, huh?!?! This page was a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dreary time in my life. I'm married. I have two wonderful boys. At this point my relationship with my wife is slowly falling apart. I'm doing all that I can to keep it together; but nevertheless I'm miserable. I developed a friendship 4 years ago that started from the most honest and sincere of foundations and has continued that way. My friendship did not cause my marital problems and in many ways has helped me keep things together as long as I have. She was in a relationship with a guy when I met her, I was married. I was never conviced that she was convinced about her boyfirend who soon became her husband after she became unexpectadly pregnant. I saw her try to give her little boy the family that he deserves; I saw her divorce; we've remained friends through it all. I could have never imagined such a perfect woman could exist. We have never approached the boundary from friends to something more. My feelings go unspoken, but I'm sure she is aware of how strongly I feel. Does she feel the same? The question rips me apart everyday. I may never know. I do know that I will always be her friend. Lately, as my mariage crumbles she has begun a relationship with someone new. I am thrilled to see her happy, as a friend that is what I want most. She rarely speaks of him to me. But I know; we have a connection were words are not necessary. I make no judgement of her new boyfriend, I hope he is the greatest guy in the world, but again I am not convinced. I hope I am wrong. Everyday I suffer the misery of watching my marriage crumble and watching the perfect woman with someone else. Regardless of the pain it is worth it even if we are destined never to be more than friends. Relationships come and go; maybe we are better off this way.
I really love the fact that I am not alone on this subject. I have been out of a relationship for a month and in it i felt like i was at peace for once in my life. She was and is an amazing person, she can understand me better than any one else. But she has recently gone back to a guy who she says she loves with the entirety of her soul but this man when he broke up with her devastated her, she stopped eating, talking, even going out in public. I see her know and i am so afraid that if he breaks her heart again that she could be heart far more than before. At the same time i think the world of her, every word she says makes me happy, every time i see her im at peace but i know that now i must just be her freind and catch her if she falls. But the problem is she is SO BEAUTIFUL that half of the male population here is trying to chase her, and i know that i am the only one who she trusts and talks to besides him. So im afraid that i am uneccesary, that i can easily be replaced by her. I care SO much it hurts more and more every day to even be in the general area of her. While at the same time she sees my as one of her closest freinds and comes to me whnever she needs to talk so i cant distance myself from her. She is my one and only true love and she is with the man she thinks to be her soul mate and i as a freind am forced to stand here and watch and hurt everyday because i have nothing to comfort me. I have no close freinds to talk to besides her, i have no way to vent my self. It kills me a little more each day but i feel that i am willing to hurt for her and die for her as long as she is my freind even if we never get together. But the pain gets worse and nothing makes it go away, i just wish sometimes that i could forget everything but in this i have changed so much fro the good that i never want to lose any of it. Im lost, can someone please tell me what i can do because i no longer know.
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i just read that blog and it was so good to read because i know how and what alex was feeling as im going through almost the exact same thing. i think im in love with this girl megan, however shes been in a relationship with this guy bazz for almost a year, but this guy is a bit of a doosh bag if you ask me but anyway, all her friends say to me hey you and her would look really good together. And her family love me more than they do bazz. and i keep getting those flirty moments you know when you both catch eachothers eye. but i dont know what to do, i really like her and i think im falling for her, but what do i do? please help xx
I just want to say, i am going through the same sort of situation. The girl I loves bf is a right idiot he doesn't apreciate what he has and cancles his plans with her all the time. But this piece of advice made me see sence and to just support her, thank you
Hi everyone,
I'm so glad that I ain't the only one experiencing this. The guy who came to work for a short while, we've been together everyday for about 4 months now. He has a gf of about 3 years and I have a bf of about 7. I would not care that much if he were only as handsome as he is, but we also seem to be more than like-minded,thus became friends and chat and communicate even when we're apart. About a month after we met, we got quite close on an occasion but (mostly through him) decided not to go too far so we would not hurt our significant others. I decided to keep my thoughts to myself afterwards, but the day before he was going to get engaged (and 10 days before he left), i could not stop myself and confessed on the phone. Btw i have to point out that the engagement is demanded by the girl's side. I will see him again after the weekend, I won't bring the subject up, and will behave the same way as always. Also, I wouldn't want to cause a prob between him and his gf, but I couldn't keep it in, and I also said I only wanted him to know. He did not freak out when I said so (well, maybe he was not alone to speak), but he must've been a fool not to guess. I still feel a little uncertain if i did the right thing, but I really wanted to let him know and it would be more awkward to confess to an engaged man. What do you people think? But for those in doubt, I must say: you really feel relieved after you confess!
It sucks... being in love with someone who is in a relationship... especially when they're bein treated like crap but still love the person. My friend has been with this guy for 4 years and loves hime even though he's a dirtbag lol. Thing is... She's my (soon-to-be-ex)wife's cousin lol. Messed up. We've know eachother for years and after losing touch for a while have started talking again. Much to our surprise we've realised we've aleays had feelings for/been interested in eachother. Just never really gave it any thought. But now we're in love and want to be with eachother but she's determined to try and make it work with her bf. I try to be there for her and always will. Just sometimes it hurts. We are so close and are best friends now. I went through a similar experiance with my wife as she's going through with her bf. So i try to give good, non-biased advice... all the while i'm thinking "you know i'd treat you so much better, the way you deserve to be treated". But yeah... am rambling lol. Just need to get it off my chest I guess. Point is I know she's "the one" and will continue to be her friend and always be there for her. And if she ever gets to the point she can't deal with her bf and his bs I'll be there for her if she'll have me.
this was a great story n yea givez me hope. Ok so im 21 n yea im young n know therez plennty of ppl out there in this world. But i have been in a relationship with this girl, im also a girl, anyway going on 7 monthz but she was already with this guy, they live together etc. Think may have been together over a year. Itz like we're best friendz though. I really love her so much n willing to wait hoping there is a chance for us. This person makez me feel so great about myself n im with no one every night i dread the fact their not with me n yes hurtz eac h n everyday cuz i love her n want to be with her soo bad. Idk if i should move on n juz try to be friendz but damn i love her. My first relationship n first love. What should i do? Im so confused.
Sounds a lot like what I'm going through now. I found I love my best friend... who is dating my other best friend. They're both awesome people and are very happy together. I would never do anything to try to split them up, their happiness matters more to me than my own. I've been the shoulder to cry on, and the one that kept them together after they almost broke up one time... and as much as it hurts me, I will keep helping them if something like that happens again.
I'm just unsure on what I'm supposed to do if they ever do break up, or aren't happy together anymore. Do I keep trying to help even if it seems hopeless? I don't want her to hate me, or blame me for their breakup if I end up getting together with him.
I think this has killed my chances of finding my own special someone. He is everything I want and love. I don't want to be the lonely third wheel for the rest of my life...
I've been almost exactly trough the same, Lily. But I just couldn't be the crying shoulder for her anymore and couldn't listen to my ex-friend talk about her like a sexual object. So I walked away from their lives. I was the only one who could something to end the pain, so I just cut contact with both of them and the rest of my friends because I knew that having the same sorroundings we'd still see eachother. It's been 3 years.
I saw her out of nowhere like 2 months ago at a bus stop.. She jumped right into my arms and kissed me on the cheek, I was surprised. She was so emotional she almost cried, I saw a couple of tears rolling down her face. We live in the same neighborhood, but that was the first time in 3 years I saw her. We exchanged numbers, no contact.
She's still with the guy and as far as I know, by him, on a failed reunion of friends,he's cheated on her more than once and she doesn't know. That pissed me off so bad, even if he regreted it. He still cheated on her even after he told me that.
same here, i am inlove with someone who has a gf for 2 years,, we both feel the same way but he said he can't break up with his girl i don't know why. he said i should wait for him and don't make him feel pressured.. i'm afraid to fall for him even more but he said, it's so unfair coz he let his feelings get deeper for me, he let himself fall for me.. I don't know what should i do, i always see his gf in our office and it hurts me so much to see them together.. i don't know if i will wait longer for him,, i don't know what he's thinking or what's his plan,, my friends told me if he will be my bf he might do the same thing,, im so confused,,
This really hurts and I don't know how to cope with him on my mind all the time. I won't say anything. I just have to keep on being me and surely if it's meant to be we will come together. I can see it in his eyes, he's connected to me and his gf is nothing but a nag who wants to get pregnant and keep hold of him. I will stay quiet and wait, and hope he ends up in my arms, he is so precious.
Oh God its so painfull... I really love her and I would like to flirt her etc... BUT is already taken! :( And her friend is a known person here and I am not able to flirt her while she already in a relationship... Damn, it would be better if she was single and she had told me that she didnt want me, rather than being in a relationship and never being able for me to flirt her... She is always on my mind, I cannot put her out of it!
It's too difficult to do what you're saying in some cases, While talking to her if she says something like "my boyfriend" I just want to die. I don't think I can keep it up much longer. I'd rather not talk to her at all!
I know the feeling - I'm incredibly in love with a male friend of mine; but I just can't say anything. His girlfriend is an amazing person. She really is. I feel terrible for wanting him instead, because I know, honestly, I'd be a bit a downgrade (although I'm still pretty awesome). It's the worst situation. I'm 28, it feels like I'm in highschool all over again. :(
I've fallen for a great girl that i work with. we get along great and all, but she already has a boyfriend. and patience is not a strong point of mine. isn't honesty always the best policy.??
I have fallen in love with a very good friend. She is already married and has kids by him. She loves me as well but she doesn't want to leave her hubby and family. And I don't want to be the one who is the cause of her leaving him. So I let her go. I'm afraid to find someone else in case she ever does leave him and then we could be together.I'm torn and don't know what to do. I am lonely and missing her.
It's great to read all of your stories. I feel relieved because I am not alone. I can smile and even laugh yet no one knows the agony I have inside. I love this man since I was 15. And how old I am now? Loving him still almost half of my life. I haven't got a chance to tell him what I feel about him and I guess will never be. You bet he is now married! I haven't able to tell him before when he is single and available how much more now when there will another people involve that I might hurt. Maybe my story just end this way.. Being his friend and loving him discreetly!
it's really hard to love somebody who doesn't love you....and you'll keep on waiting for something that deep inside of your heart it will never be yours.... i need an advise please if there is somebody who will see this comment can you give an advise.....! tnx
Thank you so much for enlightening me. I now know which path I should take. Tough it will be but it is for the best. I'm not hoping that it'll turn out to be a happy ending for me, only for her to be happy. Confessing my love could cost myself the only girl I've ever loved and cost her someone she thinks of as her best friend. I thought that I would never find love, but now I wish that I never had.
thank you so much you've put my heartache at bay for now im so in love with someone its unreal but he cherishes me too much as a friend and found someone else maybe with time he will realize how iv always been there for him through thick and thin i love him so much im willing to wait for him
Ya know I had the same problem except the marrying and stuff like that cause I'm only a teen. Well any ways they had this guy who came to my house never heard of him, seen him or anything. Well, we started meeting each other up randomly so he came and talk to me when we were at sonic! So we started texting and talking on fb. Well, I found out he was engaged with this girl. Yeah it upset me but I didn't let it get to me. Well after we talked and everything he kept coming to my house and coming get me and we would do things together like go out or something. And he would tell his gf he's working just to see me. Well one night he brought me home and we kissed. It felt so amazing and I just had a feeling something was happening. Well later on he broke up with his gf and we started dating. I felt horrible cause I mean he was engaged with a girl that was so pretty. And he left her for me. Any ways this guy was everything to me. It was just a different feeling. And well he took me on this date that I never went on or anything! Well everything felt so right. Me and my family gave him just about everything he wanted and gave him opportunity to get a better job and everything. Thinking everything is going great. Well one evening we were argueing like crazy. And I just couldn't take it anymore. And so we broke up. He now has a gf.
It's like I want to move on but how do I do that?! I just can't do it. I tried dating this other dude but it didn't work out. I hade to break up with him!! Now Im stuck here trying to think!!! Help me!
I just broke up with my bf mostly because I realized I was falling for a guy I barely knew. I waited to break up for a month, about the allotted time I've know this new guy. It was hard to do as I genuinely loved my boyfriend, but the spark just vanished once I was introduced to this guy. I'm still dumbfounded by this.
The week before we broke up, the new guy starts dating. It's so hard to deal with, but as long as I am feeling this passionate about him as a love interest and a friend, I'll continue to support him as a friend and his relationship, even at a limited extent.
My story feels different from the ones I've read. I'm *not* close friends with this guy. Hope that can change. We have so much in common including sense of humor, so it's a strong possibility.
Obviously this is the right answer. Meddling with a relationship is wrong in any case, but it's downright evil if you secretly wish the relationship would end.
I really need some advice. I've had a best friend for 13 yrs and their has never been any intimacy what so ever. It started with me havin a crush in high school, I obviously didn't get her but the relationship that has formed is amazing. Anyways, the other night, I was told by her that for a few minutes she had a moment of clarity, was very attracted to me an just wanted to start kissing me. I was shocked. We were headed to go out dancing and drink. We got pretty tipsy, had a great night and ended up back at her house. We were in her room, and outta nowhere she says this is long overdue and just starts kissing me. She stopped herself, tried to blow it off by telling me their you go, it wasn't that great right? She wanted honesty so i said I want more. Their was a few more minutes of convo about what just happened, she said it added a new dynamic to our relationship an then says she wants more and we start kissing again, an this time it gets very intense, pure passion. It was amazing. Its like our lips just locked and the kiss was perfect. We passed out and we wake up,sober, and she puts my arms around her and I start caressing her and it picks up right where it left off. Their was no weirdness, like sometimes happens with best friends. I haven't felt this way ever and I have been in love before. We hung out a few more hours, all was good, had a hard time not thinking about it. It was very unexpected for her and the feelings were from the kiss were too. All of this great, but she has a boyfriend who she loves an has connected with on some level. She has said a few times that she wants me to express my feelings to her and be honest. I want to so bad, but is it a horrible idea? I know she's not.gonna leave her boyfriend. Why does she want me to express my true feelings? . She took a risk doing what she did, and I wish I could just blame it on the alchohol but I can't due to happening in the morning. Most people would wake up an say I feel horrible, what did I do, this can't ever happen again but none of that happened. I know I'm gonna get rejected, even though I'm not asking her to leave her man. I want to.so bad tell her how i feel but the same time I don't. Someone please give me some advice
Wow... this is a great advice story!
I currently have feelings for a guy friend of mine, though he has a girlfriend. It took him almost 6 months to get this girl to go out with him, she is quite attractive, and has cheated on him at least 15 times. I happen to work with this boy. He is extremely sweet, and used to give me rides home when I needed it... would walk me to the door, and make sure I got inside safe. We hang out often, never with his gf, just us and sometimes a few of his guy friends. (I'm into more of the guy stuff than his gf is). According to people at my job, we have what seems like a "bf gf" relationship, and they all think we secretly want to be together... Honestly? I wouldn't mind it one bit! A few days ago, we were both closing, and it was raining and hailing extremely bad... I really needed to have my oil checked, but I wasn't sure how to do it... So, I had him come out and help me, in the hail and rain. We ended up just standing there laughing about how neither of us have "kissed in the rain" and how people say it's fun... etc. We had a bit of a "moment" where he just held me cause the thunder scared me.. He checked my oil. Promised to follow me home, and make sure I made it home okay. Which he did, and proceeded to text me when he got home, and said he had fun that night. I don't know if he has any feelings for me besides friendship. I want to tell him how amazing he is, and how he deserves someone better than the girl who has cheated on him a lot.. But I don't want it to seem like I just want them to break up for my benefit. I truly care about him, and I do not want to do anything to jeopardize our friendship.... any advice for me?
Oh my Dr Lametu, I GOT ERIC BACK. I am so excited, It only took a 4 days for him to come home. bless you and bless god. i must be dreaming as i never thoughts he would be back to me after all this time. I am so much shock and just cant believe my eyes. thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart. Whosoever that which to be happy just like me should meet this kind man on Ancientspiritualtemple@gmail.com
I have a delima.. my bestfriend who I went to school with I always had feelings for.. we've known eachother since the 4th grade and we always had feelings nd as a matter of fact we dated in juinor high nd we broke up cuz he made a stupid mistake by cheating on me but later on he asked for forgiveness and I expected cuz I thought it was honorable since he was in the wrong but after we became good friends after tht nd always kept in touch but overtime i've grew deeper feelings realizing tht I want to b with but he was always a man of intrest in many women nd I was always afraid of getting hurt but little did I kno he always had feelings for me nd I guess I he did but I never thought it was tht serious .. so moving into present day I finally tell how I feel nd now I feel like I waited to long because he has a gf nd she's preggo. I'm so confused nd I want to be with him nd I kno he want to be with me, he always wanted me to have his babies nd he wants to mmarry me one day... Nd now he's abt to be a father nd I'm afraid of losing him. I believe tht he wants nd needs me just the same its just tht I'm worried of how am I going to handle the fact tht his gf might b in love wit him nd tht he dosent want to hurt her but in the end I kno somebody will get hurt nd I still believe he's always been the one for me nd I don't wanna give up .. plz tell me wat I should do cuz I don't want to lose his love or his friendship
I have loved someone for 6 years who I was once best friends with but who I have not talked to in a long time. He has a girlfreind now who is horrid to most people (or so Im told)and he is still as great a he always was. I feel horrid, but at the same time happy for him because he really likes her. I do ocassionally say hi to him, but thats about it. I have already told two close freinds because I needed to vent and felt really upset. I cant help but feel that he is the one. I dont know what to do.
I'm here to vent because I am stuck in a situation where I like this guy and he has a girlfried. The problem is that it's hard for me to find any one I can like, much less even make friends with. For the last month, we've been talking non-stop and just yesterday night, we talked from 10pm to 7am about a million different topics and our shared interests...etc. The thing is, I don't know if he's just using me to get his gf jealous and for her to realize to change some of the things she does and doesn't do. They even got into an argument about how much time he spent with me. They've only been dating for a year and a half and he hinted many times for me to just wait for him. But I can't but feel paranoid that it's all in my head and I'm just a really good friend he can joke with. I'm feeling sort of depressed right now because he ditched me to hang out with her and I'm feeling guilty for liking a guy who has a gf. At the same time, I feel like I suit him much more. He told me himself that he wished his gf was like me, but I don't want to take that the wrong way and assume he likes me romantically. I wish I was stronger and that I didn't like him. It would make life easier.
Im in a difficult situation right now. I am completely in love with someone who I am close friends with. Only problem is he has a girlfriend and has been with her for a year. We talk a lot together and he tells me all about the problems he is having with his girlfriend an how he wants out of the relationship. But he won't break up with her. I am so in love with him and he says that he loves me too! What do I do? He says he wants to be with me more than anything in the world but he will not break up with her. It's like he is scared of her. My closest friend tells me not to wait for him and to move on cause he's hurting me but I just can't. What do I do?
wow iv been hurting over the fact that i cant have this girl that im in love with cuz im in the same position as alex she has a man but spends alot of time with me during the week except weekends cuz shes with her man.. and i fell for her because of the fact that we would talk about everything and open up to eachother iv always been a player.. and finally i got hit and went head over heels and i have the slightest idea of what i am doing at first i didnt accept that this was love but always being in my head, i personally tho dont know her boyfriend at all but iv been wanting to know what i should do all i been doing is being there for her hanging out and stuff like alex but i thank you i dont know why but this story cheered me up :) really inspiring and im glad to know you are both happy.
Well, most of you people who has posted on here is friends with the person you love.
That's the tricky part about my story. He is in a relationship with another girl, they also live together. We haven't even had a talk face to face, and he lives in another country aswell (even tho it only takes 8 hours to drive between us). I don't think he knows that I love him, but he most certanly knows that I am interested, since I (about a year ago) wrote a cuple of messages to him when I was drunk. After that, he hasnt been writing to me, or anything like that on facebook. I think I just lost my chance with him. We're not friends, we doesnt live in the same country, he already knows that I am interested, and he is in a pretty serious and happy relationship with another girl.
But, I am going to let time go by. Even tho its hard, and even tho it hurts. Maybe one day they'll break up, and I'll have my chance.. Maybe, maybe not. Only time will show...
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Veronica Level 1 Commenter 4 years ago
Alex is smart! You're right, his way was really the only way to go in the situation.
Great advice!
I'm glad things worrked out!